Welcome to my wedding... Please don't look at me.

Hello Ladies and Germs....

I have a question. Am I the only bride that is dreading her wedding day? I am not nervous about marrying Bob, he is the tin soldier to my babushka doll and I can't wait to be his wife. However, I am absolutely terrified of partaking in one of the most intimate, romantic and important moments of my life in front of a hundred or so people. Most of whom I do not know very well at all :/

I know little girls are supposed to dream about their wedding day their whole lives but, I was never that way inclined. Rather, I used to stage battles between my brother's goblin toys and my My Little Ponies.
I didn't spend my childhood planning my perfect wedding... I just wanted to be Ripley from Aliens. I only began thinking about my dress when Bob and I had a very grown up discussion about marriage and it became something I realised I  needed to plan for and think about.

But I think what it really boils down to is that fateful moment, when I am all butterflies and nausea, and the doors open and a hundred curious heads turn to look at me all at once. STARING.

It's the kind of visceral terror that makes something as lovely as this:

Turn into this:

So I have now learned that, despite being extremely gregarious, sociable and a confident public speaker, I really really REALLY do not like being the centre of attention... and the idea of being the constant focal point for an entire day fills me with such dread that I may wee. I am genuinely considering going down the aisle with a bag on my head that has "BRIDE" written across it in marker pen... on roller skates....... in the dark.

Also, I think the whole "Mooish" wedding aspect makes me feel as though we are a spectacle of sorts. So many people have approached me to say how excited/curious they are at how the whole day will be executed and it just makes me want to create a diversion and run off somewhere private with Bob and our bridal party and do it in secret. Alone, happy, barefoot and giggling.

My Life As An Imposter

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