I am LITERALLY dying of the plague.

Hello hello.
It is nearly 2.00am in England and I have some kind of flu like plague that is slowly enveloping my head. So I am dying and need presents and cake and jelly and shiny things but Bob is fast asleep.... So I am huddled on the  couch in an oversized Star Wars dressing gown looking like a phlegm goblin and feeling very sorry for myself.
And so, internet, I turn to you for solace, comfort and something to distract me from this burning feeling in my throat, ears, nose... and chest.

In all seriousness though, it's particularly painful due the fact that I suffer from a respiratory condition called Bronchiectasis. Well, I say "suffer".. it is, thankfully, a great deal less problematic these days.
When I was young, it ruled my entire life to the extent that I had to have physiotherapy twice a day, run 11k two to three times a week and was on a shit load of steroids and medicines aaaaaall the time. I would like to say it made me look like this:

But really it was more like this:

It was a bit of a shit time but, thankfully, it started to get less phlegmy and physically restrictive and took more of a back seat as I grew up. It only affects me now when I get the flu or any kind of chill on my back (one of the many reasons I am so fond of the gilet). 
So this is why I currently feel like I've been hit by a TRAIN :( Every time I sneeze,  I feel like my lungs are being torn to shreds and I let out a very little (but very dignified and ladylike) scream. The only thing I can liken it to is when you blow your stitches. In other words... it hurts like a motherbitch and stings for many many minutes after.

So I beg of you internet, please find me something to distract myself with because I feel as though I have arrived here and everything still hurts and I can't go back to bed and wake the handsome Bob with my screamsneezes.. he works very very long hours and needs his sleepy byes.

Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum.

My Life As An Imposter

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