Brown Women and Chicken Pie

Good evening!

So I am still dying of lung explosion plague related icky phlegm disease. My big sister is in town this weekend and we were supposed to go wedding shoe shopping with my mum tomorrow. Needless to say, that isn't happening now. So they came over to my house today to keep me company and make me a giant chicken pie with steamed cabbage and mashed potato :):)

It was a surprisingly lovely day. I say surprising because my sister hasn't been the most enthusiastic of people since Bob and I announced our engagement. I imagine it's been for a myriad of reasons, many of which I will probably never understand but, quite frankly, it has been a real kick in the balls.

It began with her turning me down when I asked her to be my maid of honour and progressed to the point where she was disparaging my wedding dress (as her friend got married in the same Jenny Packham number), making comments about my wedding colours/theme and couldn't be bothered to come an introduction dinner my future mother-in-law had planned because she "said she would be at somebody's birthday that night".  It eventually got to the point where we were barely speaking anymore. I didn't feel like I had a sister and my two best friends were fighting over why I had made one maid of honour and not the other :(

I spent months agonising over why it was so hard for her to be happy for me and, in the end I just blocked it out. We did speak frankly about it once and she did admit that she could have shown her excitement more (so there was a half apology there) but otherwise, I was to say no more about this nonsense and accept her kind (and in NO way guilt induced because she did nothing wrong) offer to buy our wedding cake and my wedding shoes/jewelry as a gift.

Having said all that... she seems to be turning a corner now. She was so lovely today and told me she was excited for me and was jumping up and down all giddy-like saying "aaah! you're getting married!!". She told me my dress was beautiful and that I will probably look better than her friend because I'll look like a magical fairy. She was hugging me and being her old fun and silly self.
I hate to say it but, as a younger sister, it was exactly what I have needed from her since Bob asked me to marry him... my best friend growing up, jumping up and down with me and sharing in the excitement.
I just hope it sticks because I have missed her so very much these last few months.

I think the fulcrum point came the other day when my mum, brother and I were clearing out some of my late father's things from his office building and she wasn't with us (as she lives at the other end of the country). I decided to bite the bullet and started messaging her pictures of random things from our old house that my daddy had kept all these years and put around his office. I sent the pictures and a message saying, "you're here too".
She replied saying she loved us all and wished she was there with us. It was the first real thing she'd said to me since we lost my dad.

I forget sometimes that going through something that terrible affected the four of us in very different ways; and in my sister's case, it closed her heart. She just absorbed the weight of it, full force and became colder.

I cannot tell you how excited I was to see a glimpse of my big sister today. She was warm and kind and smiling.. and nice to me.

It's been a while!

I don't know if this is short lived or not or if I should let my guard down again but, today, I am smiling.

My Life As An Imposter

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  1. This makes me really sad to read, but I hope everything is still okay between the two of you, and that it continues :)xx

    1. Thank you.. that's really kind of you to say. So far, all seems well but I can never quite relax about it in case she hates me again! :(


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