The First Kiss Project #6

Hello readers, it's about that time again. Are you ready for the next installment of The First Kiss Project?
After sharing my own embarrassing story, I wanted to create a space where the equally mortified could also share the memory of their first real kiss. We have all, at some point in our lives, experienced that one electrifying moment of excitement, uncertainty and utter vulnerability. Whether it was disastrous or perfection, I invite you to share your story with me (/ the world).

Continuing on in our series, we have an anonymous contribution from someone who can only be described as, a time travelling ballerina superhero. Basically, I'm in love with your shoes, Anonymous from London. Like many rare beauties in life, they inhabit that elusive sweet spot between 'oooh, dainty' and 'excuse me bitches, I'm a complete badass'.
Ok, enough shoe talk, on with the story:

London, UK

Ok. Set the scene: What year was it? How old were you? What era are we talking?It was 2004, I was 16 years old, at the peak of my studious, academic, socially awkward, “WHY CAN’T I BE NORMAL LIKE ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS” phase.

Who was the kiss with? How did you know each other? He was in my school year, his forehead was made of plastic after he was hit by a milk truck and needed constructive surgery.

How did it come to pass? (or something less Gandalf-y)It was a sixth form Christmas social, I was dressed as an angel and I remember him wearing a particularly bad jumper. I couldn’t understand how he could wear such a massive, thick jumper in a confined space full of sweaty teenagers. We were dancing as a group, then just the two of us, and then it just happened. I was too awkward to make a move to either kiss him or run away, so I guess kissing me was his way of breaking the stalemate.

What was it like? My lasting memory of it is that I had just eaten a packet of scampi fries so.. yeah, everything tasted like scampi. I had no idea what I was doing. I felt a mixture of relief for FINALLY having had my first kiss, and a sense of “oh…is that it?” I grew up on a strong diet of chic flicks and rom coms, which led me to believe first kisses were meant to be much more magical, and not take place on a makeshift dance floor in a damp, sweaty sixth form centre.

What happened next? Are you still in contact? The usual awkwardness ensued. My school had a healthy ridicule process for people who kissed other people at sixth form events. I remember feeling that everyone was laughing at me, which put me off kissing anyone else at my school ever again. We have met up a few times in the past few years as part of school reunion groups. We’re adults now, we don’t mention it.

How do you look back on it all these years later?I feel like I came/am still coming to a lot of teenage/sexual experiences very late in comparison to the rest of my generation. In a way, I’m glad it was crap and forgettable, because it brought a sense of normalcy to what I have often thought was a weird or unusual process of love/sexual exploration. Everyone’s meant to have a terrible first kiss right? I was so glad I had a mediocre story to tell. If anything, it taught me what a GOOD kiss is like. And I’m lucky to have had a few of those in my life so far! Also, I don’t eat scampi fries anymore.
"His forehead was made of plastic after he was hit by a milk truck and needed constructive surgery" -possibly one of the best things I have read all year. I also love the scampi fry component of this story. In fact, I say more scampi fries, please. But our contributor is right, bad kisses serve the purpose of showing us exactly what a good kiss should be like, namely, the exact opposite of whatever the hell someone's doing to your face currently.


This submission is definitely one my favourites; it invites the idea that, however underwhelming a scampi school disco smooch may seem, it holds within it, the possibility of something altogether more thrilling, exciting, and hopeful yet to come. What a wonderful way to view the world. I can see exactly why they chose to send you through the space-time continuum with your tutu and your cape in Bill and Ted's phone box with Doc Brown and Swan Lake and Kyle Reese and I STILL REALLY LIKE YOUR SHOES.

If you 'd like to share your first kiss story, or stalk any of our previous participants, head to the First Kiss Project page.

Right, I'm off to figure out if scampi fries still exist and how I can get them delivered to my bed.

My Life As An Imposter

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