So, as much as I've unofficially moved into a boyfriend's place before, I've never actually lived with a man properly (I'm talking, let's sign a lease and get a joint bank account for bills etc...) In fact, the prospect of this terrifies me so much that I inexplicably start getting the sweats when things have to be put down on paper. I remember when I was at university, I nearly had an anxiety attack when I had to sign my housing contract. I just don't like feeling enfettered to things, especially legally. It makes me feel very flustered and suffocated.
Having said all this, I am very much in love with my boyfriend (let's call him "Bob") In fact, I adore him; and as much as I want all these exciting things to happen for us and to take the next step, the paperwork side of it all still fills me with such dread.
I don't think I'm worried that things will go tits up financially because Bob is very good with numbers and will always keep us in check. I also don't worry that we might break up or things will go sour in the relationship. I am completely happy with him and confident in our life together.
I, therefore, genuinely believe that the root of my fear is the act of signing a contract. Any contract: consent forms, leases, mortgages, cheques.. I don't even like using my bank card in those strange hand held devices people wave at you in restaurants.
It's too much pressure!!
So how do I explain this to my darling Bob without sounding like a total moron or making him feel like it is specific to him?
Also, another major reason for this anxiety is the religious aspect *thunder clap*
Yesterday, my mother told me she was: "worried about the religious status of my relationship" and it pretty much gave me the willies.
Although my family are fairly liberal, none of us have ever legitimately broached the subject of "living in sin" with a partner before. In all honesty, I'm surprised it's gone down so well. My mother has known that I would never marry someone I hadn't lived with before but it was always a far away idea that none of us really had to deal with. I had been with a man for five years before and still never felt the need to move in with him. So I think my mother assumed that when I do live with a man, it will be my husband.
So now I feel as though I may be doing something that will make her unhappy. Although she has been nothing but supportive of our plans, I can tell that she would prefer us to be married first. And this makes me feel like a complete tosser. Is this a bad idea? Will it make God angry? Will he punish us by giving us bad crops this year? (I really want a vegetable patch.) Is my mum going to get punished for raising me wrong? Am I the bad seed?? (more vegetable analogies.)
Once again, the Muslim Guilt Monster has reared its ugly head.. and I am beside myself. One thing about being raised within an organised religion... you never really know if you're pissing someone off :/
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Having said all this, I am very much in love with my boyfriend (let's call him "Bob") In fact, I adore him; and as much as I want all these exciting things to happen for us and to take the next step, the paperwork side of it all still fills me with such dread.
I don't think I'm worried that things will go tits up financially because Bob is very good with numbers and will always keep us in check. I also don't worry that we might break up or things will go sour in the relationship. I am completely happy with him and confident in our life together.
I, therefore, genuinely believe that the root of my fear is the act of signing a contract. Any contract: consent forms, leases, mortgages, cheques.. I don't even like using my bank card in those strange hand held devices people wave at you in restaurants.
It's too much pressure!!
So how do I explain this to my darling Bob without sounding like a total moron or making him feel like it is specific to him?
Also, another major reason for this anxiety is the religious aspect *thunder clap*
Yesterday, my mother told me she was: "worried about the religious status of my relationship" and it pretty much gave me the willies.
Although my family are fairly liberal, none of us have ever legitimately broached the subject of "living in sin" with a partner before. In all honesty, I'm surprised it's gone down so well. My mother has known that I would never marry someone I hadn't lived with before but it was always a far away idea that none of us really had to deal with. I had been with a man for five years before and still never felt the need to move in with him. So I think my mother assumed that when I do live with a man, it will be my husband.
So now I feel as though I may be doing something that will make her unhappy. Although she has been nothing but supportive of our plans, I can tell that she would prefer us to be married first. And this makes me feel like a complete tosser. Is this a bad idea? Will it make God angry? Will he punish us by giving us bad crops this year? (I really want a vegetable patch.) Is my mum going to get punished for raising me wrong? Am I the bad seed?? (more vegetable analogies.)
Once again, the Muslim Guilt Monster has reared its ugly head.. and I am beside myself. One thing about being raised within an organised religion... you never really know if you're pissing someone off :/
Fin.
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